Saturday, 13 June 2015

Misery . . . . Yep I'm back playing Warmahordes!

yep even Katy Bates plays Warmachine!
So I'm miserable . . . . I must be playing Warmahordes again!

At least the game looked epic!

As I have finally finished painting a 20 point army list it is only obvious Lano and I would decide to play  . . .  35 points! 

Obvious really.

Lano sets out his 35 points and they look gorgeous (I have snogged worse)!

I set out my 35 points (only one unpainted miniature . . . drats!).

Turn one and no surprises I run everyone forward, while Lano only commits his Large War pigs to contesting the central objective.

Having the Warbeasts exposed and in range, I decide to pop my feat and intend to go crazy with criticals to wipe out the beasts and deny Lano's caster the fury. 

I think  . . . . . .

Unfortunately the pigs are sitting on armour 21 and cannot be knocked down!

After bearly scratching the pigs (despite the feat and beast lore from Pendrake) I pull this face . . . 

"Why can't I roll a poxy critical on 5 dice!!!!!!!!!"

and run my Risen forward to tie up the beasties and Bucaneer.

By doing this I have made my first mistake as I should have not left enough space behind the Risen for the large bases as this would have stopped the Risen being trampled through by the giant pigs.

Lano now commits his forces and the Risen are hacked to pieces and Alexia is left on one life box!



The good news is they have managed to stall out Lano's charge. Now can I make him pay before he gets to charge again?

I look at Lano with evil intent. . . . .

"Just pass me some new F*****G die!"

Gorman bolts out of the forest and 'black oils' the first warbeast to stop it charging next turn.

Alexia creates a Thrall and it makes a charge on the Berserker Pig (WTF?) to kill it so I can FINALLY bring in the 'Devil Dogs' to decimate Lan's left flank.

Of course it misses!

With my rolling being so abysmal I decide to charge in my first Mule to alpha strike the first Warpig. I charge in and hit! Its only minus six to the damage roll so this should be a crippling blow . . . .

Yep thats a roll of only six on three die!!!!! Not a single point of damage caused!

Hoping I can still mob the Beastie while the other Warpig is unable to charge I go all in with 'Ol Smokey' my other Mule . . . . . 

You guessed it . . . .Barely a f******g scratch!

I pull this face . . . . . 

"F******************K !!!!!!!!!!!!"
On my left I decide to use the Mages to whittle down the advancing enemy infantry. Lano has some kind of spell casting unit which is more powerful depending on how many are in the unit. Alexia has already had a taste of their medicine and i figure they will make a bee line for Ashlynn next.

I decide to make them the Mages prime target.

The centre is getting very crowded.

On my right flank Lano finally unleashes his Berserker Pig and it pitches into my 'Devil Dogs'. Thankfully only two fall to its savage blows before it is out of melee range and it's attacks stop. That could have been REALLY painful!

In the centre the Warhogs wreck my Mules!

My turn!

On the right the surviving Devil Dogs take aim on the Berserker pig and I grin wickedly as I only need to roll a six to unleash a power 17 blast into the pigs face . . . .

Yep. . . . . . rolled a five!!!!!

"Boll orks!"

I have finally had enough and charge in Ashlynn and decide to go nuts on the nearest Warhog. I had my eye on Lord Carver but he is sitting on four fury so I do not see myself pulling off the assassination!

My girl chops the Warhog into bacon but its too little too late and this one is quickly slipping through my fingers.

Lano's Warhog charges in. It misses it's first attack and I get a riposte in . . . . .

but as lano and I tussle Lano reaches for another fury token . . . .

"must . . . . . reach . . . . . fury . . . . . . token!"

and rolls this . . . . .

Yep thats pure damage and my face ends up looking like this . . . . .

"Poxy pigs!!!!!"

In the post game analysis the only major mistake we could see I made (apart from starting to play Warmahordes again!!!!!) was commiting my Mules to the melee with the Warhog in the centre. It could have been better to have just blasted into the centre as I had originally planned but if I was not rolling a single critical all game (even on five die!), I did not see it happening and at least I got the alpha strike in with two Mules. With half decent rolls at least one of the hogs should have been mince meat!

Lano the smiling assassin's version of events is HERE I really recommend checking it out his blog as his painting is just sublime.


  1. You sure you haven't borrowed my dice! Smashing report, loved the Misery stills, sums up many a game from my past nicely/sadly :-)

    1. I honestly got through over 25 die as they were discarded for new ones during the game.

      I am actually banded from touching others peoples dice at the club incase I jinks them.

      I'm playing card games from now on!